The Oscars, Swat and dress-up dinners.

Hollywood goes Bollywood, the Obama's host their first formal (oooohhh, formal) in the White House.

Cut scene – Shoot across the world and Pakistan gives the Swat valley over to the Taliban forces and Sharia Law. Wasn't it that Pakistani kid on Johnny Quest that always said, "I have a bad feeling about this"?

But while breaking news is happening in other parts of the world we devour glamor shots of Obama in a smart looking tux and Michelle in an elegant gown. Or Mickey Rourke mourning over the double loss of his beloved chihuahua or the coveted Oscar we all saw clutched in Sean Penn's tiny hands last night.

Which by the way, proves the rule that in Hollywood: If you go mentally disabled or gay – you will win an Oscar.

I know this isn't an original thought, it was first brought up on the show "Entourage," but it is still true nonetheless, check the list.

Sean Penn in "Milk" - gay

Robin Williams in "The Birdcage" - gay

Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man" - M.D. (well, autistic)

Al Pacino in "Dog Day Afternoon" - gay

Tom Hanks in "Philadelphia" - gay

Julia Roberts in "Erin Brockovich" - Very, very mentally disabled, that one.

I don't think Julia was trying aiming for mentally disabled when she made her acting decisions but it happened nonetheless. What I took away from the film is that if you are hot in a rural area you have magic boob powers – which is somehow empowering.

This is in no way meant to be insulting to the mentally handicapped or gay people, I'm simply remarking about the lack of originality coming out of an industry that's purpose is to create original and fresh ideas on film. (I'm lookin' at you remakes. And you, sequels.)

Though it is hypocritical of me to spend so much time giving credence to the exact type of banal chatter I began my post admonishing, my only defense for it would be that it entertains me, just like the rest of America.

But the fact remains the economy is in shambles and every time I watch Comedy Central it just freaks me out. Every joke about the job market or failing banks or bum wine and I am reminded that it will soon be me, out in the job market, putting my money in failing banks and drinking bum wine to get over it.

Add to that the fact that we are bogged down in Iraq while Iran is producing weapons grade nuclear material and will become a nuclear power in the next 10 years and I am really freaked out. We wasted our "get away with invading a sovereign nation card" and picked the wrong pony!

Now India, Pakistan and Israel have nukes and coming soon ... Iran!

And now that invasion is as fashionable as G.W., disco and Edwardian facial hair we might just sit tight and let Ahmaninejad get his swerve on in the Middle East until he's got his finger on the big one.

Oh well, every empire has to fall sometime. Rome had the Goths and Visigoths, the U.S.A. has the entire Middle East, apparently. I'm not sure what is worse, a battle-ax to the dome piece or a dirty bomb in a mall parking lot.

Hope I don't find out.